Why and how can we forgive our offender?

When You Are Rejected, Choose to Forgive
by Tom Holladay


“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

It’s tough being rejected, especially when it is by someone you love. It might be one of your kids, your spouse, or a close friend. But the Bible says you need to forgive that person because God forgave you.

The key to being able to forgive somebody is in today’s verse. It’s the word “remember”. When you remember what Jesus Christ did for you, then you have the power to forgive somebody else.

If you hold on to the hurt, it will only end up hurting you. When you don’t forgive others, it creates bitterness and anger in you. It will eat you up on the inside and drain you of your energy, leaving you tired all the time.

Every time you start to feel bitterness towards someone, remember Jesus on the cross, how he loved you enough to give his life so your sins can be forgiven. He was rejected and insulted as he hung there, but he looked at everyone and prayed, “Father, forgive them. They do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34 NIV).

In complete meekness and humility, Jesus gave his life because he loves you. He wasn’t thinking of himself; he was thinking of you. Peter says, “They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things straight” (1 Peter 2:23 MSG).

The definition of forgiveness is found in two words in that verse: “let God.” You let God set things right. Forgiveness is not about trusting the person again or forgetting everything that happened. It’s about putting the situation in God’s hands instead of seeking revenge or holding a grudge.

As you read this, someone might be coming to mind. Don’t wait. Take a moment right now to pray this prayer: “God, I am giving you this hurt right now. I am letting it go to you. You’re in charge. Enable me to forgive the person who hurt me.”

This probably won’t be the last time you pray that prayer. If it’s a deep hurt, you might have to pray that 70 times a day as you struggle with it. But keep doing it, and then maybe next week you’ll only have to pray that prayer 30 times a day, and maybe only 10 times the week after that. And eventually, there will come a time when you realize that you haven’t thought about the hurt for several months. That’s how you let go and let God.

Tom Holladay is a teaching pastor at Saddleback Church and author of The Relationship Principles of Jesus.

Parental Duties VS Children Responses

Parental Duties VS Children Responses

The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.  所羅門的箴言：智慧之子使父親歡樂；愚昧之子叫母親擔憂。
Proverbs 10:1
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It is good to remember who wrote the jewels of wisdom called proverbs. Since he wrote primarily to his son and young men, each son should consider his relationship to his parents. Not until he is a parent will he understand the joy and grief he can cause by his choices and actions. Let every young man consider his mother, his father, and His Father.

Solomon wrote the proverbs in the Bible, including this one. You are very blessed to have the world’s wisest king as your personal tutor. And the LORD God inspired the selection of these few from the three thousand he wrote (I Kgs 4:32). The righteous can rejoice for having secret wisdom from heaven concisely defined in short pithy statements for them and their families. See the comments on 25:1. Give God the glory!

The world can make fun of the Bible all they want. Let them look to monkeys as their ancestors, debt as their economic panacea, unruly children as their future, lazy employees as their work force, corrupt officials as their government, liberated professional women as their wives and mothers, and financial scams as the road to success. The handwriting of disaster is already on the wall, and it will only get worse. Saints will rule in the end!

The first nine chapters are introductory, with long and continuing instruction contrasting divine wisdom to sinful folly. With this verse here, you are introduced to what are more properly proverbs – short and unconnected sentences setting forth profound wisdom for every part of life. While the whole book is proverbs, here are the individual jewels deserving your rapt attention as you examine them carefully to enjoy every facet.

The first one you have, in this verse, points to the value of godly training for the joy and deliverance of parents. If these proverbs are taught and required of children, such parents will realize the full blessing of a godly seed for their great pleasure and God’s glory. If these proverbs are neglected, the future is bleak, with calamitous heaviness instead.

Child, have you thought about your parents today? They each lived your life before you were born! So way back then, they were together twice as wise as you are now! Since your birth, they have accumulated much more wisdom and experience, while you took years learning not to mess on yourself and to get food in your mouth instead of your ear!

Your dear mother was nauseated, hot, and heavy as she carried you; but she already loved you and had wonderful thoughts for your life, as she decorated the nursery at home. Pregnancy, birth, and nursing took a toll on her body, yet she constantly doted on you! She cleaned your messes and fed you many times daily, and all you did was cry for more!

Later, when you struggled to make a tricycle, then a bicycle, work, your father managed his soul, his marriage, his job, his finances, his house, his car, and you, among many other things! He generated you, chose and provided for your mother, and daily invested in you, hoping for a wise and righteous son, who would grow in favor with God and man.

But most sons are too selfish, shortsighted, silly, and stupid to know how important their actions are to their parents. They cannot think beyond the next five minutes, and their only thought is to fill those five minutes with pleasure. The responsibility of being a parent is more than their mind and soul could handle, even if by a miracle they chose to try! Mature thoughts of future matters will not tickle a single brain cell until they are fathers, and only then will they think about how much their parents did and deserve.

A foolish son is the calamity of his father (19:13). It is one of his worst nightmares. The pain of seeing so much time, expense, effort, and affection go to waste sucks the life from his soul. It tears at his heart and spirit. Hear the cry of David for his foolish son Absalom, “And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (II Sam 18:33). Consider both Isaac and Rebekah’s grief at Esau’s foolishness in marrying unbelievers (Gen 26:34-35; 27:46).

If a son will consider these things and be wise, his father will rejoice. “My son, be wise, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him that reproacheth me” (Pr 27:11). Solomon came from a horrible family, and he well knew the joy of a wise and virtuous son, so he emphasized the point often (15:20; 17:21,25; 19:13; 23:15-16,24-25; 29:3).

Likewise with mothers, you can be a great source of gladness in her heart (23:25). Or you can be a painful source of bitter heaviness (17:25; 29:15). How many mothers’ hearts have been broken by willful and wayward children? Only the LORD knows such large numbers! The heart that almost daily burst with pleasure and affection caring for the newborn is torn deeply by the willful disobedience and foolishness of the sinful teenager.

Child, forget birthday cards, anniversary cards, and such things, if you must. But do not forsake wisdom and righteousness – these two things will bring far more parental pleasure! Instead of taking your parents to dinner, take your wife and children to dinner and love them like a perfect Christian husband and father. It will mean far more.

Honor your father today. Obey his instructions. Keep his commandments. Answer his questions. Communicate openly with him. You will never meet another person in life who cares for you the same way and to the same degree your father cares.

Honor your mother today. Keep the law of her mouth. Do her simple requests, now. Make your bed. Clean your room. Be virtuous. Avoid foolish girls and women. “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old” (23:22).

Father, consider this proverb yourself. Future joy or bitterness, for both you and your wife, are largely your choice today. Will you love and train your children faithfully, or will you neglect them to the heavy pain of both your souls? It is your choice. The wisdom of this proverb cuts both ways. Do you deserve wise and faithful children? Or do you deserve many dark years of public shame and reproach revealing you as a slothful parent? Faithful training will bear fruit – they will not depart from it in time to come (22:6).

Reader, do you honor your Father in heaven? If you are a child of God, He is your Father in a very dear and personal way. The wiser you are in leaving this world’s foolishness and seeking Him, the more He will rejoice and draw close to you (II Cor 6:14-18; Jas 4:8; I Chr 28:9; II Chr 15:2; Rev 3:20). If you trouble Him, He will trouble you!

Jesus Christ was the perfect Son to Mary, Joseph, and God. The Bible plainly tells us He obeyed His earthly parents (Luke 2:51). A woman who saw Him knew Mary was a very blessed mother (Luke 11:27). His happy mother followed Him during His life and watched him die (John 19:25-27). And His Heavenly Father? Hear Him declare, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17). Let us follow His example.