One day, David asked Amy, “Amy, would you like to go to cinema with me for a movie on Saturday?” Amy felt happy and said, “I’d love to.”
Then Amy went to a fashion house for a new outfit. She also went shopping and bought some new shoes.
On Saturday, Amy dressed herself up with the new outfit. When she left her home, she said goodbye to her mum. Her mum said, “Have a nice time! Don’t come home too late!”
When David saw Amy in at the entrance of the cinema, he did not like Amy’s new outlook. So, he told her, “Amy, what have you done to yourself?” I do not like your new look!” Then Amy cried and left David immediately.
She ran to a nearby park close to her home. But she didn’t want to go home. She was sitting and crying in the Park when her mom was looking for her. She called Amy. But Amy had switched off her mobile phone. So her mum was so worried about her.
Luckily, her mum found her in the Park. When her saw Amy, Amy’s eyes were so red. Her Mum took her home and made her go to sleep. She said, “Dear, just try to sleep and don’t think of the unhappy experience.” Amy said, “Yes, Mum.”
On Monday, when Amy was at school, she did not talk with David because she could not forget the unhappy experience and David also hated her new look so much.
Which grade will you give to the revised version? a C or a D? Assign a grade in the comment box.
---------------------
Original Version
A New Look
One day, David asked to Amy that “Amy would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday?” Amy feel happy and answer him that “I’d love to.”
Then Amy sent to fashion house to change her image. After then, she went to shopping and buy more item to change her image.
In Saturday, Amy had finish her image and when her leave her home, she say goodbye to her mum. Her mum said, “Have a nice time! Don’t be late home!”
When David saw Amy in cinema, she was not like Amy’s image now. So, he tell him, “Amy, what are you doing?” I am not like you now!” Then Amy was crying and leave David. She run to park near her home. But she didn’t want to go home, She was sitting in the Park. After, her mom can’t find her so, she call Amy but Amy switch off her mobile phone. So her mum was so worried about her. Luckily, her mum had found him in the Park. When her saw Amy, Amy’s eyes was so red. Her Mum bring her went back to home and tell her! Amy, go to sleep, don’t think other thing, Amy answer her “Yes, Mum.”
When Amy go school, she never talk with David because David hate her very much.
E - 2
- Rarely meet the task requirements,
- Rarely relevant content,
- Ideas not developed,
- Poor sentences,
- Grammar inaccurate,
- Weak vocabulary,
- Poor organization,
- Poor cohesion,
- Poor idea link,
- Poor style,
- Poorly achieved aim,
- Not sensitive to reader’s needs.
No comments:
Post a Comment