HKCEE Writing Task 1 - Dating

Revised Version

Amy is a kind and helpful girl. Everyone loves her and wants to be her friend.

After the English lesson, David asked, “Amy, would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday?” “I’d love to.” Amy was happy. David was Amy’s classmate. David was handsome. He was also a humorous person, too. Many girls liked him very much. So did Amy.

Amy valued the dating so much. Amy wanted to give a good impression to David on the day. She bought some new clothes and some make-up things. She also visited a hair salon for her new hair style. She prepared this for a whole day. “Have a nice time, Amy. Don’t be late home.” Amy’s mother said when Amy was ready to go. “OK. Bye mum!.” Amy responded cheerfully.

She arrived a few minutes earlier. She was excited until she saw a girl walking with David and waving to her. The girl was Doris, David’s girlfriend. Amy’s heart was broken. She was sad but didn’t know that David was only interested in her new style. That was a bad day for Amy’s whole life.

What grade will you give to the revised version? Assign a grade in the comment box.

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Original Version

Amy is a kind and helpful girl. Everyone loves her and love being friend with her. One day when it is English lesson. “Amy, would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday?” David asked. “I’d love to” Amy was happy. David is Amy’s classmate. David is a handsome boy. He is an interesting person and most of the girls like him very much including Amy.

Amy values the date so much. Amy wants to give a good image for the first data. She buys a new clothes and make-up a new hair style. She was prepared this hold day. “Have a nice time, Amy. Don’t be late home.” Amy’s mother said when Amy was really to go. “OK. Bye mum.” Amy answer mother. She was arrived early few minute. She was excited until who saw a girl with David was coming. The girl calls Doris who is David’s girlfriend. Amy’s heart has broken. She was sad but nobody knows and David just interested Amy’s new style. That was a bad day on Amy’s hold life.

• D - 3
• Generally meet the task requirements,
• Generally relevant content,
• Ideas generally developed,
• Generally appropriate sentences,
• Grammar generally accurate,
• Limited range of vocabulary,
• Generally good organization,
• Generally good cohesion,
• Generally good idea link,
• Generally good style,
• Generally well achieved aim,
• Generally sensitive to reader’s needs.
  

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