HKCEE Writing Task 1 - An Amazing Day

Revised Version

An Amazing Day

David fell in love with Amy the first day he saw her at school. After the lesson, he asked ‘Amy, would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday?’ He was so embarrassed. Then Amy said, ‘ Yes, sure! I’d love to.’ She was so happy and excited. David then said, ‘See you on Saturday! Bye!’ He was excited, too.

On Saturday morning, Amy got up early and had her breakfast. Then, she went to a Fashion House. She wanted to have a sexy look. So Amy chose a trendy dress. After that Amy went to the Lee’s Hair Salon. Finally, she was back at home. Her mother said, ‘Have a nice time, Amy! Don’t come home too late.’ Amy replied, ‘OK, bye Mum!’

That evening, David was at the cinema half an hour earlier. Although Amy was late, David was very happy. They chose a romantic film. In the cinema, he wanted to express his love to Amy.

He said ‘Maybe I will sound stupid, silly, or rude to you, but I want to express myself clearly. I love you. I want to be your boy friend.’ He was very afraid. Amy thought for a moment. Then she responded, ‘I want to be your girl friend, too.’ she said sweetly. He told her, ‘I can’t give you a special gift. I can give you my sincere love.’ She replied with a smile ‘I love you, too.’
.

C - 4

• Meet the task requirements,
• Relevant content,Ideas well developed,
• Good sentences,
• Accurate grammar,
• Wide range of vocabulary,
• Good organization,
• Good cohesion,
• Good idea link,
• Good style,
• Well achieved aim,
• Sensitive to reader’s needs.

Original Version

An Amazing Day
David fell in love with Amy the first day he saw her on the lesson. After the lesson, he asked ‘Amy would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday?’ He was so embarrassed. Then Amy said ‘I` d love to.’ She was happy and excited. After that David answered ‘See you on Saturday! Bye’ He was excited, too.
On Saturday morning, Amy got up early and has a breakfast. Then, she went to Fashion House. She wanted to be a sexy girl. By the way, Amt had chosen a trendily dress. After that, Amy went to the Lee `s Hair Salon. Finally, she backed home. Her mother said ‘Have a nice time, Amy. Don `t be late home.’ Amy replied ‘OK BYE Mum’
That evening David was already went to cinema. Although Amy was late, David was very happy. They were chosen the romantic film. In the cinema, he wanted to profess. He said ‘I am stupid, silly and rude, but now I want to express clearly. I love you. I want to be your boy friend.’ He was very afraid. Amy thinks a moment. Then she answered ‘I want, too.’ she was sweetly. He tells her that ‘I can `t gives you a special love. However I can give you a formal love.’ She replied with a smile ‘I love you.’

D

D - 3

• Generally meet the task requirements,
• Generally relevant content, (not always sound logical)
• Ideas generally developed,
• Generally appropriate sentences,
• Grammar generally accurate, ( with quite a number of careless mistakes)
• Limited range of vocabulary, ( wrong spellings)
• Generally good organization,
• Generally good cohesion,
• Generally good idea link,
• Generally good style,
• Generally well achieved aim,
• Generally sensitive to reader’s needs.