HKCEE Writing Task 1

Revised version

It was my friend’s birthday yesterday. I took her to a new restaurant for a meal.It is called "Lucky Choice Seafood Restaurant"

First I ordered some drink and seafood, such as lobster, fish, shrimp, and soft drink. When I looked into the “STAFF ONLY” room, I was shocked because l saw something terrible. The chef was smoking while he was preparing the food. Then, I turned myself to another direction where I was facing a fish tank. There were a lot of dying fish in the tank.

When I looked around to see how the environment was like, I saw a lot of rats and small insects running and crawling on the floor. I also noticed that there was a lot of rubbish everywhere, especially beside the rubbish bin. Rubbish such as plastic bags, leftover food and pieces of paper were scattering around. They could carry plague that could also cause serious disease.

I went into a toilet. The place was very dirty and disgusting. The door of the toiletcould not be properly closed. The wall and the mirror were printed in red. The tissue rolls were wet. There was hair and water on the floor. There was no water flowing from the tap. I could not wash my hand after I use the toilet.

The service was poor. The seafood dishes took nearly an hour to cook, and we got them after we had waited for more than an hour. The quality of the food was poor and it did not taste delicious at all. After the dinner, I felt a stomach ache and I wanted to vomit. So, I called the manager to express my dissatisfaction. The manager said, "If you don't like the food, get out of here."

I will never come to this restaurant again!

What grade will you give to the revised version? Assign a grade in the comment box.
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Original Version

Yesterday was my friend birthday , I took her to a new restaurant for a meal.It is call "LUCKY CHOICE DEAFOOD RESTAURANT"

First, I ordered some frink and seafood such as lobster, fish, shrimp and soft drink.After then, I look at the STAFF ONLY room when I was waiting. i was shocked becausel saw something terrible. The chef was smoking while he prepare some food .Then, I turned away myself, the fish globe is facing me. There were fishes died in th globe.

For environment, there were lots of rats and pest ranning on the floor. I also noticed that there wer rubbish everywhere, especially beside the rubbish bin. Rubbish such asplastic bag, leftover food and a piece of paper. That can carry serious disease such as theplague.

I went to the toilet, The place wes dirth, small and disgusty. The dorr of the toiletcan not properly closed. the wall and mirror had been print by people. the tissue paperswere wet. There also were hairs and water on the floor. There had not water from the tap.I can not washed my hand when after toilet.

For the survice, the sea dishe had not been finished unit I had waited for one hour. The quality of the food were cheap and not delicioul. After the dinner, I feel stomache ache want to womit. so, l called the managed to pressed my view. The manage told that"If you don't like the food. GET out."

I never to come this resturant again unit it is clean and will been improve.

• E - 2
• Rarely meet the task requirements,
• Rarely relevant content,
• Ideas not developed,
• Poor sentences,
• Grammar inaccurate, poor spellings
• Weak vocabulary,
• Poor organization,
• Poor cohesion,
• Poor idea link,
• Poor style,
• Poorly achieved aim,
• Not sensitive to reader’s needs.