Anger

Anger is one of the most common and destructive emotion that attacks our mind. Anger is created in our mind, and it harms both yourselves and others. Anger or hostility is a wronged mind that focuses on something or someone, feels it to be unattractive, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harm it.

For example, when we are angry with our family member, at that moment he or she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. We then exaggerate his bad qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all his good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of an intrinsically faulty person.

We then wish to harm him in some way, probably by criticizing or disparaging him.

Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is sometimes an unrealistic mind; the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist.

Anger is also an extremely destructive mind that serves no useful purpose whatsoever. Hostility shows itself in many ways: a negative, critical attitude, nagging, sarcasm, gossip, resentment, hatred, slamming doors, shouting, taking it out on the children, kicking the cat, aggressive driving, childish " I'm hurt!" crying, rebellion, deviant behavior, putting people down, constantly running late, passivity, withdrawal, rage, and even criminality. The list is endless.

How then do you resolve anger?

First, be honest and admit how you are feeling.

Second, accept yourself as a normal human being who sometimes has angry feelings.

Third, determine to resolve your feelings the same day.

Fourth, express your feeling creatively? Perhaps, talk to a friend first or to an "imaginary" substitute, and where necessary, to the person at whom you are angry. This is not an excuse to lash out at others. The goal should always be to "speak the truth in love."6

When expressing anger we need to verbalize the emotion. Talking about the anger doesn't resolve it. The emotion needs to be released? Try not be as an attack or as blame, but as a confession and expression of our feeling as our problem. When this is done, the anger dissipates.

It is neither true nor helpful to say, "You make me mad." This is blaming the other person for your reaction and puts him or her on the defensive. It is more helpful to say, "I need to talk to you about such and such. I feel very angry about this. I know my anger is my problem and I may be overreacting, but I need to talk to you about this matter." That is, use "I" messages, not "you" messages.

Anger can also be expressed in writing, as David did in Psalms.7 I have done this many times, after which I have torn up the piece of paper. Where necessary I have re-written those feelings and personally shared them with the other person or people involved.

Resolving relationships is very important. Christ reminds us that if we have any conflict with another person, we are to put things right before bringing our gifts to God.

Fifth, before expressing anger, check to see if you are feeling afraid or threatened, because anger is often used as a defense against feeling afraid. If fear is the problem, talk about that.

Last, when you have shared your anger, forgive. For physical, emotional and spiritual health we need to be in touch with all our feelings (positive and negative), and use and express them in creative ways. This, too, is the way of love, for unresolved anger turns into resentment and builds barriers between friends, loved ones and even God, and blocks out love.

Extracted from http://youth-ministry.info/articles.php5?type=2&cat=190&art_id=56