David fell in love with Amy the first day he saw her and he thought that Amy was very beautiful. So, David asked Amy, ‘Amy, would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday?’ Amy was also fond of David, so she accepted his invitation.
Amy was planning to make herself look more beautiful. She read many fashion magazines to learn how to create a stylish look. In order to meet her demand, she visited many fashion houses and hair salons.
On Saturday morning, Amy got up early and was very excited. She spent nearly half a day to dress herself up. She asked her mother if she looked beautiful again and again. When it was about 6 o’clock, she left home. Her mother said, “Have a nice time!”
That evening, Amy arrived the place they had agreed to meet. Amy waited for about five minutes before David arrived. When David saw Amy, he looked so shocked and said loudly ‘Oh my god! Who are you? You are not Amy, Amy should look very beautiful! Amy cried at once and said ‘I hate you, I don’t want to be your friend any more!’ Then , Amy ran home.
(203 words)
- C - 4
Meet the task requirements,
Relevant content,
Ideas well developed,
Good sentences,
Accurate grammar,
Wide range of vocabulary,
Good organization,
Good cohesion,
Good idea link,
Good style,
Well achieved aim,
Sensitive to reader’s needs.
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Original Version
Boy Heart like a weather
David fell in love with Amy the first day he saw her and he feel that Amy is beautiful. So, David asked Amy, ‘Amy, would you like to go to the cinema with me on Saturday? Amy is also interested in David, then she consented him. She was planning how to be more beautiful after she went back to home. She read many fashion magazine so that she wanted to create a new style. In order to achieve her aim, she went to many fashion house and hair salon.
On Saturday morning, Amy got up early and was tense very much. She had used a half day to dress up. Moreover, she asked her mother is it beautiful again and again. It was about 6 o’clock, she left home at last. Her mother said that , “Have a nice time.”
That evening, Amy arrived the place which they had meeting. Amy waited about 5 minutes, David arrived. When David was seeing Amy, she was loud to say that ‘Oh my good! Who are you? You are not Amy, Amy is so beautiful ! Amy cried at once and said that ‘I hate you forever, you don’t find me in the future!’ Then , Amy were running after he said.
(214)
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